


Distance—a tiny!cas fanfic

by sara_r3n33



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cas is tiny, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Established Relationship, Flying, Insecurities, M/M, This has not been edited, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Wings, based off @ask-tinycas on tumblr, canon up to season 8, cas is tiny because of a curse, dean/cas - Freeform, fluff fluff fluff, i hope you like this i tried, with wings, you NEED to read the blog its amazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 09:06:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14209815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sara_r3n33/pseuds/sara_r3n33
Summary: Castiel has been shrunken due to a curse for about 3 years. (You can see @ask-tinycas on tumblr for full backstory). Dean & Cas are in a long term relationship, but now Cas is sick, as are Sam & Kevin, & Dean has to go off alone for an extended time to finish the hunt. Annnnd here ensues angst and depression on both sides at their seperation. HAPPY ENDING. ENJOY.





	Distance—a tiny!cas fanfic

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Ask Tiny!Cas](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/368352) by @jennilah. 



20 hours earlier -- Thursday, 1:50pm  
Thanks to a case gone wrong, Cas was sick again with another magical illness. And so was Kevin - who caught it from Sam. Dean was the only one spared since he was out of the way casting a spell to capture the witch's ghost that was making everyone who came into her old home ill- or worse. (Yep, ghosts of witches. A new level even for them.)  
Since it was down to Dean who could function, he was the one saddled with going and burning the witches remains - in a small town in Australia. That meant a seventeen hour flight.  
And a fifteen hour time difference.  
Castiel watched as Dean packed a small duffel. He couldn’t take weapons on the plane, but had contacted a hunter in Sydney to hook him up once he got there. Dean didn’t say much, but Cas could tell he was terrified. Dean’s jaw was clenched and back stiff. He was a little groggy, having not slept in the past eighteen hours, and Castiel hoped that would mean he could be tired enough to sleep through at least part of the flight.  
Speaking of flight...Castiel couldn’t fly. Currently. The illness had sapped him of his energy and he remained perched on his and Dean’s bed while Dean packed. He knew Dean was stalling, evading the time when he had to fly...when he had to leave Cas…  
They hadn’t been apart for over 24 hours at a time since Cas had been shrunken over three and a half years ago. Cas would be lying if he said he wasn’t terrified, not only for Dean’s flight, but for their separation...for himself.  
What if Dean decided he liked the freedom? What if Dean liked being out in the world without having to worry about Cas? What if Dean decided, after the separation of a few days, that he wanted a prolonged one? Possibly forever?  
Cas was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Dean until his face was directly in front of him, large green eyes worried, warm hand around him, calling his name frantically.  
“Cas? Cas?!” Cas jolted and looked into Dean’s eyes.  
“Dean?”  
Dean put his forehead to the bed. “Damn it, Cas, I thought I was losing you.” He looked back to Cas, stroked his back with his thumb. “Are you alright? What was that?”  
Cas would have blushed if he wasn’t already red from the fever. “Just...tired.”  
Dean’s face relaxed a little, but he kept his hand protectively around Cas’s back. “Are you sure?” He asked quietly.  
“Yes, Dean.” Cas didn’t meet Dean’s eyes when he said it, but closed his instead, feigning to be as tired as he said.  
Dean cradled him for a while longer before an alarm went off on his phone. “Damn it,” Dean grumbled, as he fished the phone out of his pocket with his free hand. “I have to leave in five minutes. You good?” The wrinkle in between Dean’s eyebrows appeared again.  
“Yes, Dean.” Cas lied again, opening his eyes to see Dean’s still there.  
“I hate leaving you all like this, especial you…”  
“It’s okay, Dean. Kevin got it second hand and isn’t in as bad a shape. He can take care of us.”  
“Yeah…” Dean looked completely unconvinced, and jolted when a second alarm went off. “Fuck. Three minutes. I guess...guess I should get goin’...”  
Cas stiffened but nodded. Dean stroked Castiel’s too-warm back one more time before scooping the angel into his hands. He shifted so Cas was in his right hand only, then grabbed the duffel with his left and swung it over his shoulder.  
Cas savored in the gentle way Dean cradled him against his chest. He placed his ear against him and listened to Dean’s sturdy but fast-paced heart beat. “It’ll be okay,” Cas said quietly to Dean, but also for himself. It was little more than a whisper, but Dean caught it, and gave a curt nod in agreement.  
When they reached Kevin’s room, which Sam and him were sharing since it had a pair of twin beds, Dean paused. He looked down at Cas and pressed the angel closer in a hug. Cas returned the favor as best he could. “So, um...can I have a goodbye kiss?” Dean asked.  
“I don’t want to get you sick, Dean.”  
“Ah, come on. My immune system is bigger than your entire body.”  
Cas looked down, wings drooping a little. Dean didn’t mean anything by it, he knew that, but what with the thoughts from a few minutes ago and his current lack of energy, he was easily hurt by the comment.  
Dean missed nothing. “Hey, no, no, buddy, Cas, I didn’t mean-I wasn’t trying to-”  
“I know, Dean. It’s okay.”  
“No, it’s not. I’m sorry, Cas, really.”  
“Dean-”  
He was interrupted by the sound of a third alarm.”  
“Fuck!” Dean snatched the phone from his pocket, slammed the off button harder than necessary, and shoved it unceremoniously back into his pocket.  
“You should go.”  
“Screw it. Flight’s in two hours, it’ll take about forty five minutes to get there, but I can cut that down to thirty, easy. You’re more important.”  
“Dean…”  
“No, you are. Really. And this’ll be the longest we’ve been apart in years.” Dean brought Cas up to eye level. “Cas...are you really okay?”  
“Yes. Yes, Dean.” That was his third lie in under five minutes. Castiel hated lying to Dean, but knew he wouldn’t leave unless he at least thought Cas would be okay.  
“Alright…” Dean didn’t look fully satisfied, but thankfully dropped it. “How ‘bout that kiss now? If...if you want to…”  
Dean looked so uncertain, so guilty, Cas felt a sinking feeling in his stomach, having put that look there. Castiel tried to stand and kiss Dean’s freckled cheek, but his legs gave way under him and he fell back to Dean’s palm. Winded, Cas coughed a few times. Dean’s free hand hovered around Cas, desperate to do something to help, but there wasn’t anything. He settled for rubbing Cas’s back again.  
“Cas?” Dean asked timidly when his hacking stopped.  
“It’s okay...just...not a lot of strength.”  
Dean paused for a moment looking Cas over, then hugged him to his chest again. Cas snuggled close and breathed in the scent that was Dean. Too soon it was over, and Dean raised him up again. “I love you, Cas. Take care of yourself, alright?”  
“Okay. I love you, too.”  
Dean gave a small grin then kissed Castiel’s tiny head. When he started to pull away, Cas told him to wait, and kissed his cheek while still sitting propped against Dean’s fingers. Dean’s smile widened and he even blushed a little before cradling Cas to his chest once more and knocking on Kevin’s door. He got two groans in response. “Sam, Kev, we’re comin’ in.”  
Dean opened the door and turned on the lamp. Kevin moaned and rolled over as the light shined in his face. Dean smirked, then walked over to the dresser where a flannel shirt that Cas recognized as Dean’s was shaped into a sort of nest. “I-I um...know you used to sleep in the laundry sometimes, since it smelled like me, so I...um...made you a kind of bed from the shirt I wore yesterday, in case you, you know, missed me or somethin’...”  
Castiel turned and squeezed Dean’s ring finger in the tightest hug his weakened state would allow. “Thank you, Dean. I love it. Now you need to go.”  
“Right. Right. Um…” He gently moved his hand to place Cas in the nest and watched as he got comfortable in the folds of fabric. When Cas looked up, he saw that Dean had his right hand behind his head, and was looking at the ground, biting his lip. “This feels wrong,” he admitted quietly. “Knowing I’m going to be without you for so long, it...it feels...wrong.”  
Cas felt guilt surge in him. He had made Dean’s life shrink down just as he had. “It’s alright. You have to go. It...it will be good for you, to get a break from me.” He whispered the last words, and since Dean was a foot away and not looking, he didn’t hear.  
“Alright...well…” he checked his watch. “Shit. I really do have to get outta here. Cas, please be careful. Rest. Heal. Just...be okay, okay?”  
“Yes, Dean. And the flight won’t be so bad.”  
“Heh, says the one with wings.” He smiled and brushed Castiel’s hair lightly with his thumb. “I love you. I’ve gotta go.” He leaned down and kissed Cas one more time before turning to the other men. “Bye Sammy. Kev, hold down the fort while I’m gone, okay?”  
Kevin moaned in response and raised his hand to give Dean the bird. Dean half laughed, glanced at Castiel once more before turning off the light and closing the door behind him.  
Cas could hear his footsteps all down the hall, through the bunker’s common room, and up the steps to the door. There was a pause before the door was opened, another before it closed. A minute later the impala revved, gained traction, and then Dean was gone.

13 hours earlier -- Thursday, 8:27pm  
Two of the bunker’s inhabitants slept the majority of the day. Castiel was the exception. He had been keeping a vague track of time from the tics of Sam’s wrist watch and knew that Dean had been gone for over six hours. He lay with his face buried in Dean’s shirt, savoring the smell.  
He knew Dean cared about him. That was clear. But it seemed like he cared about little else than the shrunken angel. Castiel didn’t want that for him. As much as he loved and craved to be with Dean all the time, he didn’t want Dean to feel forced to do the same.  
Castiel had lived for millennia, Dean for barely a speck of that time. In perspective, Dean has only been in a fraction of a second of Castiel’s life - yet that fraction of a second means more to him than all the other billions of years combined. For Dean to spend years of his limited time focused only on Castiel...he was missing out on so much more. With his human life, no one knows how long he has. It’s all so fragile.  
Castiel knows Dean loves him, and is shown all the time how willing Dean is to have Cas in his life. But there is so much that Cas can’t return, so much that he can’t do for Dean that Dean deserves. Dean deserves someone whole, not a fallen, broken, shrunken, sorry excuse for an angel. He deserves so much that Cas isn’t capable of.  
Cas jolted when an alarm went off. Kevin moaned in protest but nevertheless rose to shut it off. “Sam,” he grunted. Sam groaned in response. “Time to eat and take some of that potion shit. It’s supposed to be ready now.” Sam grunted but began to stir. Cas sat up to stretch but felt his world spin. He fell back on his elbows, which landed in something wet. It was then he registered he’d been crying.  
“You awake Cas?” Kevin asked, still groggy.  
“Yes.” His voice was thick and rough from the crying. He hoped it would pass as a sore throat. He wiped his face on his pyjama shirt when he realized Kevin was going for the lamp, and rearranged the nest to hide the tear stains.  
Sam was sitting with his feet on the floor, elbows to knees, head in his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair and stood up slowly. Looking at both of them Castiel noticed they seemed thinner than before going to sleep, and rather pale. He looked down at himself, and was shocked at how loosely his clothes were fitting. He used the little grace he had to check through his body, and saw that the witches curse was eating away at his vessel, starting with the fat reserves. He vaguely remembered Sam saying something about the spell only being stopped by burning the witches bones. He’d been pretty out of it, but some part of him had registered Sam’s words.  
Sam was extremely strong. He had fought off the urge to sleep and had researched until he’s found where the witch was buried. It’d taken hours. When he tried to book Dean’s ticket himself, Dean had forced his little brother to get some rest.  
Sam walked slowly over and offered his hand to Cas. Cas tried again to stand, but couldn’t get his legs to work right. “Sam, could you…?” he nodded in response and gently scooped Cas out of his nest. The three of them migrated slowly to the kitchen where Kevin portioned out the potion he’d made hours earlier.  
“It says it’s best to take this with food…”  
Sam ran a hand through his hair and they all exchanged glances. None of them had an appetite, and the thought of food was repulsive. “We’d better have something, something small at least,” Sam said reluctantly. He gently placed Cas on the counter and rummaged in an overhead cabinet before pulling out a box of crackers. “These are easy on the stomach.”  
Sam handed a handful to Kevin and half of one to Cas. He took a handful for himself and closed the box. He then quickly grabbed the counter and squeezed his eyes shut. “Sam, are you okay?” Castiel asked worriedly.  
“Yeah, yeah...just dizzy.” After a few moments Sam stood up straight and went to sit in a chair next to Kevin. They ate their crackers, Castiel forcing himself to finish the piece half as big as him. His vessel did need sustenance to try and fight off the disease, and his grace meant that the illness was sucking him dry in more ways than one.  
After they ate Kevin handed them each their respective potion, Castiel’s in a thimble per usual. Castiel drank and found that as soon as the liquid touched his tongue, he relaxed. His muscles felt less tense, his wings a little lighter, and he wasn’t as groggy. He could see the same effects on Kevin and Sam. Cas tried to stand and found that he could, even though he was a little shaky. Trying to fly was still out of the question though, so he climbed back into Sam’s hand for transport.  
Since they all felt a little better, they decided to watch a movie. It was Kevin’s turn to pick and he chose something about a pirate who saved a woman and another man who fell in love with the woman. Castiel didn’t really pay attention. Though he felt better physically, mentally he was still a wreck. All he could think about was Dean. Dean not being here. Dean deserving better. Dean wasting his time on a broken angel. Dean needing more to his life than Castiel. Dean realizing this and leaving Cas- and how much that thought terrified him.  
They went to bed a little after the movie ended close to midnight. Castiel had trouble falling to sleep, and when he did, he was overrun by nightmares.  
Planes with angel wings falling out of the sky. Dean screaming from inside the plane. Dean towering over him even more than he already does, as if Castiel were the size of an ant. Dean kissing a faceless angel the same size as him, smirking down at Castiel. Dean saying ‘I’m tired of a tiny world, Cas. I’m tired of a tiny you.’ Dean’s boot raising and coming down on top of him in slow motion, about to crush him…

1 hour earlier -- Friday, 11:23am  
“Cas? Cas?!” A familiar voice. Someone shaking him. Castiel’s eyes slowly opened to see large brown ones peering at him, radiating concern. “Hey, you alright, man?” Sam asked. “You were yelling and thrashing around. I-I heard you from the kitchen.”  
“Yes...yes, just...a nightmare,” Cas replied, blushing and ducking his head.  
“Well, it’s over now. I’ve had my fair share. They’re pretty shitty. Are you sure you’re okay? It’s just after eleven.”  
He’d slept for ten hours. “Yes, Sam, thank you.”  
Sam nodded. “Alright. Well, come with me. You’re due another dose of potion.” Sam held out a hand, and Castiel tried to stand but found he was as weak as he was prior to yesterday’s potion.  
“Sam, I-I can’t…”  
Sam’s brow furrowed, but he made no comment, just gently scooped Cas into his palms.  
After some bread and the potion, Castiel felt much better. Stronger. Not whole, but closer than before. He noted that he had to tie up his pants to keep them on, and how Sam and Kevin were looking gaunt as they ate sandwiches.  
“Hey Cas?” Kevin said after a while. “We were wanting to watch another movie. Do you have any preference? Your turn to pick.”  
“Actually…” Cas had an idea. “Sam, could I borrow your phone? Just get on the youtube? Mine isn’t charged.”  
“Sam shrugged. Sure, Cas. Where do you want to be set up?”  
“My old nest, please.”  
“Sure, come on.” Sam rose and held out a hand to Cas. Cas clambered on and they went to the main room of the bunker where Castiel’s old nest sat on the top shelf of a book case. Sam put him down on the fabric that still lay there. It wasn’t dusty; Cas cleaned it from time to time...just in case.  
Sam took out his phone and turned the volume down low so it wouldn’t hurt Cas’s ears, then propped it against the wall opposite Cas. “You good to go?”  
“Yes. Thank you, Sam.”  
“Of course. I’ll come check on you after the movie, okay?”  
“Okay.” Once he was sure Sam was gone, Cas unlocked the phone and went to Sam’s pictures. Most of them were related to supernatural hunts, but there were others, candids of Kevin, Charlie, Dean, and Cas. Castiel scrolled through them all, ignoring all but the ones that held Dean. Dean smiling. Dean eating. Dean in his baby. Dean and Sam. Dean and Kevin. Dean and Charlie. Dean and Cas. All but about four had them together. Castiel hadn’t known Sam had taken most of them.  
There was one from halloween, Dean smiling as Cas carved his first pumpkin. There was one from the year after, when they were pirates. Some from every holiday; one from the time Cas was in so much pain after his wing was broken and Dean was asleep with him on his chest. There were shots from random days, when they were just lazing around the bunker, and even one from the day Cas gave Dean that fateful valentine's card.  
Cas didn’t stop the tears as he looked at what he may have to give up. What he should give up. What he didn’t deserve. He was startled when the phone chimed. Sam had gotten a message, an advertisement from the nearest Target that there was a sale on men’s wear. Cas tried to swipe it off the screen since it cut off the top of Dean’s head, but accidentally went to Sam’s messages instead.  
He quickly tried to get out of the messages, but before he could close it, he saw his own name mentioned by Dean. Cas hesitated, but curiosity got the better of him. He opened Dean’s messages.  
9:04am Dean: hey, Sammy, just landed  
9:05am Sam: how was the flight? still don’t like heights?  
9:08am Dean: ...lets not talk about it  
9:10am Sam: that’s a no. alright.  
9:10am Dean: can you check on Cas for me?  
9:13am Sam: he’s still asleep. it’s taking a lot out of him  
9:13am Dean: ur making sure he’s okay right? the potion’s not too strong?  
9:14am Sam: i’m sure. he couldn’t even walk but after he took it he was able to. it’s helping.  
9:14am Dean: ….i worry about him, sam  
9:15am Sam: yeah..me too. but he’s tough, Dean. he’ll pull through.  
9:20am Sam: dean?  
11:02am Dean: I was talking to the hunter in sydney, getting supplies.  
11:03am Dean: I mean...i worry about him ALL the time, sam  
11:03am Dean: what if i’m not making cas happy?  
11:03am Dean: he never laughs- not like he ever did, but i thought maybe now…  
11:04am Dean: he always seems so...unhappy. I mean, even when he is happy there’s this undertone of...depression  
11:04am Dean: and it kills me because i cant do a damn thing about it  
11:05am Sam: Dean...Cas loves you. More than anything. I can see it  
11:10am Dean: but how can you be sure? What if...what if cas wants something else?  
11:11am Sam: Dean, dont be rediculous  
11:20am Dean: i’m going to bed. night sammy. take care of cas. 

NOW  
Castiel reads and re-reads the messages. After he goes through them a dozen times, he tries to exit the messages the phone totters and falls forward onto him. Cas yells out in shock, then is winded as he falls flat on his back, the phone on top of him. Suddenly the phone begins to vibrate. Cas grunts and uses all his still-diminished strength to push the phone off of him. Breathing hard he props it on its side against the wall, still vibrating, and it takes a few moments to register that the phone is video calling Dean.  
“No, no, no,” Cas pants, but before he can manage to abort the call, the screen fills up with a yawning Dean.  
“W-what the h-e-e-ell Sammy? It’s 3am here.”  
Cas stands stock still and silent as Dean rubs his still closed eyes one handed. “Sammy?” Dean opens his eyes and is visibly shocked when he sees Cas standing there. “Cas? Whats wrong? Are you- is everyone okay?”  
Castiel looks down. “We are all fine, Dean. I called by accident. My apologies.”  
As he moves to end the call, Dean nearly yells, “No!” and Cas jumps hard at the loud noise. “Oh, Cas, I-I’m sorry, just...would you want to talk?”  
“...of course. But you need rest.”  
“Ahh, I’m fine. I’ll get enough. How are you feeling? You...you look really thin, Cas.” Concern is written all over Dean’s face and Castiel looks down again.  
“I am okay. We’ve all lost some weight. It’s the curse, the illness. It will end when you burn the bones.”  
Dean bites his lip and studies Cas for a few moments. “I wish I could be with you,” Dean says finally.  
“You’re always with me, Dean,” Castiel says, shifting his feet and not meeting Dean’s eyes.  
“Do...do you not want that, Cas?” Dean asks it so quietly Cas only hears it because of his angelic hearing enhancement.  
“I…” Castiel takes a breath and stares down at a small scratch on the shelf near his foot from when he knitted Dean’s scarf as he continues. “I want what is best for you, Dean, and I fear that may not be me. You don’t have an eternity on earth like I do, and you spending so much of your finite time with me is consuming years. You’re missing out on so much the world has to offer, staying tethered to me like this. I- I’m nothing more than a broken shell, Dean. Three years and that hasn’t changed. Three years and I’m still small. And useless. And...and unworthy of your affection.”  
Dean is silent for a few long moments and Cas stands like a stone, just waiting for him to agree, for it all to end.  
“Castiel.” The use of his full name makes Cas jerk his head up in surprise, only to lower it again. “Castiel, please...please look at me.”  
After a pause Cas slowly looks up. And is shocked to see tears in Dean’s eyes. “Cas...how can you think that? After- after everything? Cas...you’re my world.”  
“But Dean, that’s exactly-”  
“Exactly how I want it. Cas, really, if I had one day left to live, I’d want to spend it with you. Ever since I’d gotten to know you, I wanted to be with you. I never dreamed you wanted it to. You’re an angel of the Lord, for Christ’s sake, how the hell could you ever love me? But then...but then you did. You did, and you do...or at least I hope you still do, because I’m never gonna stop being crazy about you.”  
Cas is stunned. Dean would chose him over everything else. And Dean still thought of him as an angel of the Lord, even though he was tiny and useless.  
“Cas, baby, you’re not broken. You’re still you. You’re still the angel I love, and I will keep saying that until it’s ingrained in your mind like cement. When...when we switched places that time...I couldn’t stand being so small. And that was only for days. You’ve had it for years. I...I can’t even imagine what this must be like for you. I’m just a guy, you’re a fucking celestial being, trapped in that tiny prison. But I’m not around you all the time because I feel sorry for you- I do, but that’s not why. It’s because i can’t stand being without you.  
“Before...you were always leaving, and I couldn’t hardly bear it. Now...I have you with me. 24/7. So I take advantage. This, this right now, this is hell. I want to hold you so damn badly. I missed having you with me when I went to sleep. And that plane ride…” Dean shudders. “Damn, Cas, I was gripping the seat and praying to you the whole time. I knew you couldn’t hear it anymore, but it was comforting. I needed you. I need you. Always.”  
Castiel stays silent for a long while, trying to process everything he just heard.  
“Cas…” Dean’s voice breaks. “...say something. Please.”  
A few more moments pass before Cas says, “I love you, Dean Winchester. I...I never want to leave you. Ever. I will love you for eternity.”  
Dean blushes and a tentative smile spreads over his lips. “Thank you, Cas.”  
“For what?” Cas replies, tilting his head.  
“For saving me from hell. For watching over me. For coming back, every time. For helping me in purgatory. For choosing me, over everything. For loving me. For being in my life.”  
Cas bows his head, blushing. “Thank you, for making my existence meaningful. For teaching me love. For everything you’ve done for me, especially in these recent years. I...can never repay you.”  
“Cas, you already do. Every fucking day, you do. Your love...it means everything to me. All I’ve ever hoped for was a stable relationship. To be happy. I thought it was impossible because of the job, but...you’ve proven me wrong. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, hands down.”  
“As are you.” Castiel gives a small smile.  
Dean grins back. “That’s what I hope to see more of. You have a beautiful smile, Cas. And don’t say it’s just the vessel. When you smile...I see you. And...I-I like it.”  
Cas’s smile broadens, and Dean’s does in return. “Hold that, I’m gonna take a screenshot.” Castiel does, but it fades when a message pops up saying the phone is about to die. He tells Dean.  
“Shit. Well...I can call you again later? I’m gonna salt and burn the bones as soon as the sun rises and I can see. I can call you again after that’s done? My flight back is tonight at nine, my time. So...I’ll be back at the bunker in less than forty-eight hours.” After a pause, Dean says, “I miss you.”  
“I miss you too,” Cas admits. “I love you, Dean. Sleep well.”  
Dean smiles. “I will now. Bye, angel.”  
“Goodbye Dean.”  
32 hours later -- 12:08am  
Castiel has been lying awake for the past hour. Kevin and Sam are already asleep surprisingly. They had taken several more doses of the potion, and as soon as Dean had destroyed the bones they had all felt an immediate relief. Cas isn’t his full self, but he isn’t entirely weighted down by pain and exhaustion anymore, and can fly in short bursts. (He’d practiced on the kitchen counter.)  
It would feel good to sleep, but he can’t knowing Dean is less than an hour from being there. Cas squirms in his makeshift nest for a while longer before standing and looking down from the dresser. He flexes and beats his wings a few times, testing their strength. Satisfied that they will hold his weight, Castiel jumps off of the dresser and flies not-entirely-gracefully to the ground, landing on his knees and skidding several inches, then falling forward onto his face.  
Groaning, Cas clambers to his feet, wincing at the pain in his now bloody knees. He’s fine though. He has to keep going. He wants to see Dean as soon as he gets to the bunker. Cas landed a little over six feet from the door which is a much longer distance with his size. Wings aching a little already, he decides to alternate between walking and spurts of flying to make it to the door of the bunker.  
But first he has to get to the door of the bedroom.  
Castiel knows it’s a little past midnight, and that he has a little less than an hour until Dean gets home. He quickens his pace, unsure of how long it will take him, if he will make it in time. He runs for a foot then beats his wings to fly for the next. He alternates until he reaches the door, already out of breath and sore. He isn’t giving up though. He’s doing it as much to prove to himself that he can as he is to surprise Dean.  
Thankfully Sam had left the door slightly cracked. Castiel grabs the thick wooden door with both hands and pulls. It barely moves. Frustrated and determined, he begins beating his wings, tugging the door with all his strength. He finally manages to form an inch gap that he can fit through. Breathing hard, he is finally out of the room.  
Cas estimates that the entire ordeal took him at least five minutes. Looking to his left, the hallway down to the library seems to stretch on for miles. He lets himself rest for another minute before taking off at a sprint. He runs until his legs tire, then switches to flying. Flying is certainly faster, but it takes more of a toll on his body. It takes him another ten minutes to make it down the hallway, then he takes a break.  
The distance remaining is about the same as he just traveled, but after that are the stairs. He knows his wings aren’t strong enough to give him much help vertically, so he will have to climb. The task ahead seems daunting, but he wants to prove that nagging voice in his head saying he isn’t good enough wrong. He takes a few more deep, steadying breaths before taking flight towards the stairs. He gets nearly halfway there before he has to land. The muscles in his wings protest movement and the left one is starting to cramp.  
“I have to do this,” he says aloud. Castiel takes several deep breaths before taking flight again, beating his strained, protesting wings. Two feet from the stairs his wings cramp up and he falls to the ground, skidding a little before stopping. His wings are shaking uncontrollably from the overexertion in their weakened state.  
“I am an angel of the Lord. I’ve smited demons, killed leviathan, rescued Dean from hell. I can make it to the top of the stairs.” Cas slowly pushes himself into a standing position before covering the last two feet on foot.  
Finally. The stairs. Looking up, Cas counts twenty-one steps. Each one is an inch and a half taller than his head. “I can do this,” he whispers before reaching up and pulling his elbows onto the first step. Grunting he clambers until he gets one knee up, then the other. One down. Twenty to go.  
Castiel’s more rational side questions why he is doing this at all; Dean would have come to him first, no matter where he had been at the time. He would have seen him soon enough, and could have spared himself a lot of pain.  
His irrational mind, the part that is currently predominant, tells him he has to do this. He has to prove his independence to himself, after three years of feeling useless. Sure, he can do some things. He can cook, he can clean, but he can’t do the things he wants most. He’s defenseless, aside from his sword. He’s tiny. And desperate.  
Talking with Dean over the years, and especially these last days, has helped Cas to see a little his size doesn’t change him in Dean’s eyes. But Cas wants to show himself, for himself, that he is capable. That he is strong. That he is still Castiel, angel of the Lord, the one who saved the righteous man from hell, the one who is powerful and bold.  
So he climbs. And climbs. At one point he tries to use his wings to help and falls back on the previous step screaming in pain - his wings cramped worse than ever before and old wounds seemed to echo their pain. After several minutes, the pain began to subside. Cas slowly got to his feet, a little shaky, and began his ascent once more.  
He gets to the seventeenth step when he hears the rumble of the impala. Arms searing, twitching wings curled in at odd angles, legs shaking, Castiel frantically hoists himself up to the eighteenth step. Before he can make it, he hears the engine shut off. He only allows himself to pause for a half second before lifting his arms and trying to fight his way up the next step.  
His whole body is trembling with exhaustion, and his hand slips. He falls back a step and is struggling to get upright when he hears the key in the door and then the familiar creak as the door is opened. He hears Dean close the door gently, trying not to wake anyone in the bunker. Cas watches Dean scan the room in the darkness, his trained hunter eyes searching for any threat. Castiel knows if he calls out, Dean may be startled, but if he doesn't he may be stepped on unknowingly - not to mention all his efforts to get here would have been for nothing.  
“Dean,” he calls weakly.  
“Cas?” Dean jumps but immediately becomes aware of where he is standing, searching the ground for his angel. “Where are you?”  
In the dark Cas can see panic in Dean’s eyes. “I’m on the third step from the top. To your left.”  
Dean immediately crouches down and scans for Cas in the dark. As soon as he spots him relief washes over his face, quickly replaced by panic again when he scoops him up close to his face. “Cas are you hurt? What happened to you? How-how the hell did you get here?”  
Cas winces as Dean shifts to stand. “I am okay, Dean. Just slightly sore. I- I wanted to greet you when you arrived.” He thinks it best to not tell Dean his other motives.  
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Dean brings Cas close and examines him. “Your wings! And- is that blood? Cas, what-”  
“I’m okay Dean, really. Please don’t get overexcited.” Cas shifts nervously, guilt gnawing at him, and holds in another wince as his wing is rubbed the wrong way. He is still very close to Dean’s face, so he uses his remaining energy to crawl forward and kiss the tip of Dean’s nose. “I missed you.”  
Dean smiles then, warm and tender. “I bet I’ve missed you more. Can-can I hug you? Or would that hurt?”  
“I’ll risk it. Just...be gentle.”  
Dean slowly lowers Castiel to chest level, then holds him close. Dean moves his fingers so one lines Castiel’s spine, and the others avoid his wings. Cas buries his face in Dean’s chest, listening to and feeling his sturdy but quickened heartbeat. Smiling, he thinks of all the worry he’d had before, all the doubts. And he knows that he never has to question their love again. Because he is safe with Dean. And Dean loves him more than anything.


End file.
